I'm stuck. Most of us are.
A life of has-been I keep staring at. A life that has no melancholy is what I wake up to. A life of would-be that I anticipate.
I wanna leave out today, I hope they understand.
The good life ties me down, the ugly one makes me look away. And lately, it's the mixed doubles that's brewing agony.
When this world spins and swirls, I push to jump a little higher. Oh, the tentacles of life!
I'm two faced. One staring at my has-been and the other anxious about the would-be.
It was a sunny morning at the beach. I laid out the beach sheet, a perfect hue of blue to match the warm blue of the ocean.
I inhaled the air, and exhaled a sigh basking in the scent around me. The fragrance of the salty air and dripping sweat. How enchanting.
My thoughts drifted to the warm drink in the trunk. I had to force my mind out of it.
No, Ryan. No.
I looked around. I could bet there wasn't no one like me here.
And then, I saw her. Perched on a red beach spread, gazing at the teens playing volleyball.
The gaze. Yes.
It was too good to be true. I wanted to laugh it off, yes. But the gaze wouldn't let me do so. I could recognize it anywhere. So primal, and yet so raw.
I walked over to her, sat beside her and started gazing at the teens, like her.
It was her turn to laugh it off. Only, my gaze wouldn't let her.
We had dinner together that night.
Three years later.
May 7th 2011
We own a beach house, very close to the sea. Married. A baby on the way.
We were at the beach, again. Teens playing beach ball.
And like three years ago, set out to hunt and celebrate what we call, Love At First Bite.
Food is love, and love is only human.
Life in the backdrop of the rains is something else.
Specially for someone who'd come to live when the heavens leak awesomeness.
In case you haven't noticed, it's me the Gulmohar.
Maybe I enchant a lot of you, a lot of others, and hey that's good to know.
But today, in these rains, I just need to tell you,
People and places. Enthrall.
A photograph actually puts motion, depth a flashback in front of your eyes.
Crude and raw emptiness automates a mosaic formation.
Those eyes enchanted me. A stranger. Yes. Not once, but twice.
And as I moved away the second time, the feeling of regret slumped me over.
I'd never be enchanted the same way again.
I can defy and comply. That should run in your mind like a nexus.
I'm made to talk stuff like that. You'd understand, maybe if you're a Scorpio.
I seek light, the fuel being my very own darkness.
How that defines me. Old school girl? Yes. Very much.
I thrive on an oxymoronish life. Simplicity attracts a desert storm.
The pinnacle has been kind, but moving her.
My dance is that of a Guinea Pig. But, I'm proud.
In the end, it's just an ongoing experiment, which sees the light and/or day.
Overdrawn. Yes.
Delayed. Yes.
Intensity of feelings faded? No.
Distance related issues? No frigging way!
Again, this ain't about some guy. This is for you Shweta Nadkarni, a.k.a Tweta!
This one was long overdue for you Shweta. I miss you. Hell, yes.
Something about the pic : This was taken during the last days of engineering. Fun week. The day we all dressed as kids.
This one's an excerpt from a super PPT Tweta had created for me on Friendship Day. The best gift I ever received.
Friends make the journey worthwhile. Noted. Celebrated. Awesomeness!
No, I'm not going to be talking about relativity. Though yes, relativity enthralls, the theory. The best thing ever.
I was to write a post, but I guess a poem should do the job. No, I'm not a hopeless romantic. Though some people might disagree, infinitely.
Motion and motive, is in the mind. Not calorie wise for the former.
Annihilation of the strongest, Cause he seeks no monotony, He'd be all splendid to give in to this cacophony.
Your suicide is his murder, Conflict raised, Passion never bestowed. And there goes your soul, a mellow attempt at loathing fear.
When you search and find no calm, That's when you dig into memories for the very lost charm.
Amen.
I'm not sure what I've just written. Very random. I know.
But hey, I find my analogy in a random number generator. Only this time, replace numbers with words.
Sometimes, you just know it. Sometimes you're close. Sometimes, it's a conspiracy. But, you know.
I get asked, how can you be so sure, so perfectly affirmative about 'the knowing', and then the smiles take over.
Oh no, it's not love, definitely not this.
I've turned nocturnal and serious. I talk more sense ever since I graduated, like some exponential wisdom gained. I would have to mention it was similar to my Klout score increasing to 62 from 53 in one night. No, seriously!
The real question: What's with me and mountains?
The answer should be: Inseparable.
And yeah, the above's a real click. Manali. The place which has memories so strong, I could attain Nirvana/Salvation every time I close my eyes and think about the same.
'The knowing' starts here.
And apparently, it will end here too.
This post will go viral in my mind; and I'm not too keen on divulging any more details.
I feel everything that governs me; my moments of truth, my moments of deception.
Sometimes, I can tell if I am warped by something or I have tentacles that touch all points in the universe.
I am strong and I am weak. The wind is my pain; sometimes it is as light as the breeze on my face, and sometimes as fatal as a hurricane.
I drive both inside me.
I am alive and I am dead.
Philosophy was the crunch of my life, very subtle crunch. I could crack it open without losing the flavours that governed the aura of my surroundings.
Deep thoughts with superficial actions, that’s how I defined myself most of the time; and I never found the exact term to define it, until he finally blurted it aloud!
Say what?
I met him as usual. It was the beach side.
“Baby, how is your project progressing?”
“Perfect!” I replied.
“Oh! Nice, so has the testing and integration phase been completed?”
My first reaction was my most loved gesture, the raised brow. I let out a naughty giggle. I cleared my throat to speak again; I knew this was going to be long.
“Did you know I was a perfectionist?”
He looked puzzled, that was quite expected.
“Perfectionist? You must be kidding me!”
“Alright, I’ll explain. There are two kinds of people who embrace the term perfection. The first kinds are the trivial perfectionists, who leave no stone upturned in completing anything and the second…”
He cut me short. "There is a second kind too? Wiki needs to know!"
I slammed him back, “Thank you for the sarcasm, now would you like to listen?”
“Sure!” Though, the look on face was more of a mocking one.
“And I was talking about the second kinds who start something, but have to terminate the same due to certain reasons.”
“That’s perfection baby?”
“Hell yeah! It works on the principle of ‘All or Nothing’! Either you remain in state 0 or completely move over to state 1. It’s a digital world honey!”
“Bah!”
“Nah, it’s supposed to be wah!”
And that’s exactly the moment when he finally got me the synonym of the conversation we had! 'SLOTH YOU ARE!'
Four years of vanished nostalgia, four years of ultimate and unexplained bliss; is what we call engineering. Maybe you’ve already made it big or yet to pull the trigger, at some point you’d know you’d be standing at the edge of a cliff which spells the end of engineering and wonder: What Next?
And that’s exactly when the numerous options will start falling in place.
Many of us would start working; take up a campus placement job. But frankly, as Mr Narayan Murthy had quoted in early July 2010, the IT industry has taken away many engineers away from the core stream.
Choosing what decision to make after engineering depends a lot on how you see yourself in the subsequent ten years post engineering.
If it’s a stable job along with steady growth that you’re looking for, campus placements, which would mostly place you with the IT Cos., would be just fine. But if you’re more ambitious, and by ambitious I mean specific non-IT, a host of careers await you; careers which could be core engineering or completely of the alternative genre like writing, music, entrepreneurship etc.
The figures speak for themselves: Almost 70% of Indian bloggers today are engineers; if you were to dig deep into an Indian metal band, there is a strong affirmative tendency of all or some of the band members being engineers!
Today, alternative careers have become a trend after engineering, since engineering as a process has become a 360 degree learning program, in evidently based on real and practical life.
The second option would be further flexing your learning curve; a la higher education.
Here too, we’d either remain faithful to engineering and pursue a masters in engineering or technology or divert from it, in such a way where in the best of engineering could be used to develop a host of other skills like management.
If you had a particular affinity to your core subjects in engineering, a masters in the same is a natural choice. In India, the options to the same can be achieved by answering exams like GATE. If studying abroad is your preferred option, you have to prepare for the GRE, which could be a general one or a specialised subject of your choice. This has to be backed with English eligibility exams like TOEFL or IELTS.
Another popular choice is the MBA. Ideally, to pursue a masters in management, one would require work experience, but today, a fresher’s mind and attitude is what institutes look out for perfect moulding. In India, to pursue a degree in management, there are innumerable colleges, but the smart decision is knowing and choosing the right one. The IIMs, IITs and other elite colleges like MDI and XLRI feature in the best of the lot; which open their gates to aspirants on the basis of exams like CAT, XAT, MAT etc. But the actual test is getting past through the Group Discussion and Personal Interview that the institutes conduct. Hence, it so boils down that along with academic eligibility, it is very much necessary for an aspirant to have a strong all round profile which reflects extra-curricular activities and the passion to succeed.
Specially, if one is interested studying abroad for the same, it is absolutely necessary to have a competitive edge over the numerous applicants that apply. This can be only achieved by steady profile building; by following one’s passion and constructing a concrete plan for the same.
To sum it up, I’d say an engineer has a lot to choose from, given the diverse set of skills he possesses. All that is ever going to steer his way is his passion!
It was my first day without him, and I was already facing the heat.
It looked like it was going to rain. No sun. Yeah my sunshine was away; and there was no alternative.
I came to be the sunflower who worshipped the sun. But rains merged the distance. He said he would see me when we metamorphosed.
I wait for the time when the warm rays of the sun would turn to be the trickling drops of rain and I would be the rain flower; to sew in the distance that had clawed many a scars.
Metamorphosis is a function of time; and time heals everything.
He missed being on my petals, flowing down the stem at times; and I loved caressing him, making him flow like he never did.
For now, I am grooming to bloom; looking upwards to see a rain pattern. Black clouds give me a high.
I have a countless prayers inside me, that have now surfaced. Grant me my life.
The almighty assured me it would rain, and it will make me bloom. He smiled. I knew he was coming; and I couldn’t wait.
I knew he could see me, and so could I but with no complete metamorphosis, union was impossible…
Jaya, this one’s for you. You wanted this to be up. Thanks for praying so hard. Your dream’s finally turning to reality! Party! :P
What’s touching me these days…?
It’s the wind, and bah… this strong sunlight which was so non-existent for 15 days while on that blissful tour.
If you really want to have a look at the pics, why not hop in here.
My last post was like ages back… no, no, it’s not whether blogging still interests me or not, I’m still so passionate about it… but now, the thoughts just don’t seem to put up in one place, so that I can frame them together… instead, all I see is a mad dance.
(A question for my thought: Hey, you guys putting up The Mate Dance huh? Just like the bees… remember, remember! LOL!)
About something significant that happened, well, I met a very old friend afer a wait of five years! Phew! Now that’s certainly something. Find the pic somewhere below.
Apurva, thanks for making it here! It was a pleasure!
Chaapa by:
Unknown | Tuesday, October 6, 2009 | 7
Shouts! |
I Was Thinking Of:
hate,
life,
sarcasm
I’m thinking about the factors that affect my loneliness.
Most of the time, I can see it coming. Though, I must admit, with an appreciable experience, now I know ways to get there…
It’s a big place; with miles and light-years of loneliness.
Occasionally, I’ve met a few distressed souls.
Some, like me, trying to engulf solitude with all their might and some, unlike me, for whom loneliness is the only alternative.
I repeat, loneliness is the key, and isolation is the lock. Both fit in perfectly, only if they’re made for each other. The rest of the times, there are a million combinations to unlock the barrier between them.
I see green rocks and purple trees. No! I’d like it to be orange.
There!!!
Soon, I find shade under the orange colored tree.
A signboard does an appearing act. It says,
‘Wish For It And Solitude Gives You.’
It sees me responding with a deja-vu look. It disappears immediately. Yeah, I am the boss!
‘Are you trying to find shelter?’
‘Nope, I’m trying to find my shoe lace. Got a spare one?’
Time for some music. Load play-list ‘Forbidden.’
Play.
Yes, I’m thinking about you when I listen to Lift by Poets Of The Fall.
Burning, soaring, high!
(Wry smile) Now, you sure know whom I'm thinking of, when it’s I Hate Everything About You by Three Days Grace.
What better feeling than justifying your hate!
… And so the play-list continues with a lot of Pantera, Nirvana, Metallica, Linkin Park, Lamb of God, Nightwish etc. etc.
Recharged! Replenished!
Hit me! And I swear you'd bear the same! \m/
You sure are wondering what the hate all about is. It's like this:
Would you understand the value of love if you didn't experience hate?
